I think we all want our closers to be just a little bit insane. There's something about the position--the pressure, the tension, the occasional self-flagellation involved--for which many reasonable, level-headed pitchers just aren't fit. Pitchers on the verge of lunacy just seem a little better-equipped to be the one to take the ball in the ninth inning. As with many things in life, however, there's a rather fine line between "a little bit insane" and "certified wacko nutjob," a line which Phillies reliever Ugueth Urbina almost certainly leapfrogged on his way to getting arrested for attempted murder on November 7th, 2005.

Note for 700 Level readers: If you ever end up working on Ugueth Urbina's farm in Venezuela, avoid any situation in which it might be at all possible for Urbina to come under the impression that you have stolen his handgun. Allegedly, Urbina and others attacked five workers accused of doing just that, cutting them with a machete and pouring gasoline on them in an attempt to set them on fire. All five were injured, though none slain, and