A friend of mine calls them "The Toothpaste Tube Wars." In some households, it's the "Battle of the Toilet Seat" or the "Why-on-Earth-Do-You-Load-the-Dishwasher-Like-That Police Action." They start with a small skirmish over something minor, and quickly escalate into a heated battle.

Over. And. Over. Again.

We can get so caught up in emotional habits -- like getting all worked up when our partner or spouse does something that, viewed objectively, just isn't that big a deal. But we end up reacting in big ways, going down long, angry or anxious roads to nowhere.

As adults, we "know better," and in our un-triggered states, we even tell ourselves that. And we may vow to cut it out, to stay calm. We read books (and articles, and blogs) about what to do to have better communication. We may even clip out and carry the little script or "response options" that these sources offer.

Still, the next time that trigger comes -- we're off to the races. There's plenty that, as a psychologist, I could say about "it's not about the toilet seat, it's about years of disappointment a