“With our award-winning process designed to meet your business needs, we feel confident that you’ll love our forward-thinking solution.”

What? Shut up! Just stop it. I don’t know why we have to revisit the lesson, but let’s do it, just to be clear: everything you know about a nice dinner party applies to all business communication. Here’s one: your host, unless he’s a true asshole, doesn’t spend the entire dinner talking about himself. (see also, that guy.)

You want to promote your company? Get out there and empower people. When I was an aspiring high school garage band guitarist, I’d read every article by my favorite bands. If Eddie Van Halen or James Hetfield or Chuck D was using a piece of equipment, I’d think, “That’s how they sound so amazing,” and I’d make a note of that as something I might want to save for.

No company could pay for the kind of bond my eyes made between the musician and his tools.

I was a big Dungeons and Dragons guy in high school (in other words, a loser). My friends and I would make epic storytelling happen four or five times a week i