Our Joe Weisenthal warned you and now New York Times media columnist David Carr is catching on: Washington is inching closer to a newspaper bailout of some sort.

First Senator John Kerry hosted a hearing on the "Future Of Journalism." Then, ending his keynote at the annual White House correspondents dinner last weekend, President Obama said "a government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts is not an option for the United States of America.”

Ack! We're not about to stock up on our supply of Lipton's or anything, but a newspaper bailout of any sort is a completely terrible idea.

The reasons should be obvious, but just in case, here are a few of the easiest-to-remember reasons you can use on your hidebound, nostalgic friends:

Hello! Newspapers are outdated businesses based on outdated tech. How outdated? Printing the New York Times costs twice as much as it would for the paper to send every subscriber a free Amazon Kindle.  Despite that, the New York Times still prints away because it makes most of its profits from the phy